As the late Biggie Smalls would say, "HEY HEY HEY!"

I think I've finally found a passion in life: mixing drinks. Seriously, folks... I'm gonna be a bartender. I'll get my fucking GED already, and go to school for it. I mean, not to brag, but everyone needs to try my currently unnamed Plum-Brandy-Cider cocktail. It's about as badass as french drinks can get.

I'm really getting the hang of making normally unpleasant-tasting drinks better, too. AND, of course, once I can afford enough Jagermeister to experiment around with... Well, that'll be my specialty.

Anyhoo, I'm gonna upload some new artstuffs. Eventually.

(I'm covering 80's metal tunes with my dad, btw. But that's nowhere near as important to write about, apparently.)

Not drug tests, but drugs themselves. Try as I may, I CAN'T FUCKING GET HOOKED ON ANYTHING.... Then, I met someone very special. He's had many past lives, but this time - He's gonna turn me into a helpless junkie. AND I'm gonna love every damn second of it.

His name is Jebami. He's a Voodoo Troll, and a damn fine hunter. He lives in Durotar, in the realm of Fenris... Oh yes. I'm smoking WoWcrack again... I don't care if it's not worth playing - I need to be good at something that's addicting, because god dammit, I'm fucking BORED these days.

Oh and I came out on facebook. Meaning, a simple profile edit and not status changes whatsoever. But it's not like anyone I actually give a shit about would care. So yeah - Women is all a bunch 'o muhfuggin backstabbing, heartbreaking bitchez.... Not that men are any better, but check out the records:

PEOPLE WHO HAVE RUINED MY LIFE:
(meaning, people who have ruined my attempts at avoiding high school drama in the first place)

Female: 4
Male: 0

The scoreboard never lies.

Well, school's almost over. Some bits 'n pieces:

-I'm seeing Mr. Reznor on the Wave Goodbye tour... with motherfucking Jane's Addiction headlining.... Jesus, NIN doesn't even get as long a set or as elaborate a stage show. AND it's an outdoor venue, they go on fairly early in the evening, fuck fuckitty fuck fuck fuck. At least my ride and I can beat the traffic, 'cause I'm not into anything involving Dave Navarro after the first breakup.

- School dance, read my muthahfuckin' thread on slowdance songs. It's a celebration, bitches!

- I FINALLY like earl grey tea.

- Has anyone read "A Practical Guide to Racism"? it's fucking hilarious.

- I'mma be in a death metal band this summer, it's about fucking time.

- Furthermore, I'm going to record a collaboration album with a bunch of people, come up with a name for the project, and release the album, at the end of the summer, hopefully to continue it throughout the year.

- Nina Gordon's cover of Straight Outta Compton. LISTEN TO IT.

- I'm officially an asshole - I LIKE HANK III.

- However, I'm growing out of GG Allin. does that help at all...?

- I guess not, 'cause I'm starting to think AFI is rad.

- SO))), DO)))ES ANYO)))NE HAVE Monoliths and Dimensions YET?

...This is going nowhere. oh well.

Ah, the art of live music. Some great Philosopher, probably Greek, once said:

"There's concerts, and there's Metal concerts."

I recently attended the Hordes of Chaos tour, with Kreator and Exodus. Quite honestly, Kreator was far better than any of the bands on that bill. While they could use some work, Warbringer was well-received. Nice dudes, too... Anyhoo, Exodus is one of those bands that have the potential to truly disappoint anyone who isn't into moshing. They played their hearts out, but the overall presentation didn't click with me in the way I hoped it would.

Luckily, Kreator kicked more than enough ass to make the show 100% worth attending. In a similar fashion to Destruction, their new material was just as solid as the old when performed.

I also went to the first night of the New England Metal and Hardcore festival... while I could go on and on about it, my day looked like this:

-Got there at 1:30. Walked around, bought a Toxic Holocaust shirt.
-Stood through 2 bands in order to keep a good spot in front of the stage for Joel Grind & his crew.
-Saw Toxic Holocaust, ended up being of the few who were really into them.
-Looked around for Joel.
-Met up with Mr. Grind, got his fucking phone number, earned 100 metalpoints.
-Decided to see Cattle Decapitation out of curiousity...
-...headed downstairs about 20 seconds later.
-Saw Napalm Death. fuck yeah.

*DRUMROLL*

-Suffocation. HOLY FUCK. THEY SLAYED. MIKE SMITH IS THE BEST DRUMMER IN METAL. THAT IS HOW YOU BLAST. KIDS.


...Next stop, Paganfest... Primordial and Korpiklaani in one night FTW.

Then:

Gwar, May 5th
Mastodon, May 7th (possibly)
Lamb of- er, Municipal Waste, May 12th
WOLVES IN THE THRONE ROOM, May 25th.

So, I've been thinking of writing a book.

Seriously.

My inspiration lies within the HUGE amounts of mediocre books on heavy metal music, and the positive reviews they all get. Since each book is claimed to be the new "Metal Bible," I've decided to take a shot at literally writing a fucking bible... The most metal fucking bible ever.

Currently, i have nothing written, but i've been planning the format a little. The book will start with a history of metal, which will include references to famous metal musicians, places, and songs. It will be mostly made up of ridiculous bullshit claims and "facts," and most most likely often contradict itself, for humor's sake.

Next, I was thinking of a guide-to-metal section, listing the origins of each major subgenre, and explaining what makes it sacred to metal in general. Then, maybe a section on how to be a "proper metalhead." This will include advice on everyday lifestyle, religious holiday, ect... The book could end with an appendix, that will contain lists, trivia, and other tidbits of information.

Now, I know nothing about writing even so much as an e-book. If anyone could recommend a good book-formatting software, if any exist, that would help.

WHERE YOU COME IN:

I'm obviously going to need help from other writers, seeing as I'll never get this project done otherwise. If you're interested in contributing in ANY way, shape, or form, PLEASE tell me. You don't even have to be a dedicated metalhead, and anyone is welcome to help out. I will give full credit for everything you write.

Once i've gotten a decent amount of people who want to be involved, I'm gonna figure out a way to organize us. Possibly a forum of sorts?

Thanks in advance!